A few days following my 21st birthday...and I feel a bit sad and alone. Why shouldn't I be? I'm on summer vacation, I opted out of the 7-day out-of-town trip I was going to have with my friends in law school (I already bought the round trip ticket months ago), and I'm working all the time. All the time!
Why do I do this to myself? I jump from one busy and boring activity to the next, never letting myself have the fun youth has to offer. Or maybe I do, every once in a while--watching the movies I find interesting, texting with my friend, going to the mall by myself....that counts as fun, right?
I was talking to him over the phone, in one of our nightly phone call sessions. It was a constant in our lives since we've been together--phone calls at night. Being away from each other all the time, nine hours away to be exact, means that we've had to make some improvisations and these phone calls are one of those. When he called me that night, I don't know what overcame me...and I shed a few tears. Of course I wasn't that dumb to let him know; we didn't have real problems to begin with. But I guess...I guess it's just hard to feel so disconnected to the one person you're betting everything on. I mean, this is a gamble. If everyone found out, I'd be dead.
It's more than...so much more. I guess, it's a combination of the deathly sight of pimples on my face, the lack of other real problems to stress over, the burden of my own expectations weighing down on me--basically my own self paving the road to my self-destruction.
Is there such a condition as post-birthday depression or something? Because if there is...I'm definitely having one.All I really need is to get a life. Where can I buy one?POs
Friday, April 29, 2011
Tuesday, April 12, 2011
A Story
There are stories that are too brilliant not to be told, but to tell you frankly, I'm starting to doubt if mine's remotely significant. This chapter that I'd like to think I recently closed, the chapter of having finished one year in law school, was both unremarkable and exciting, personal but a bit boring.
It's like every other law school story, I think. You come in quite unprepared, and when you linger long enough your doubts and insecurities start creeping in. From nowhere, because you didn't think you even had them in the first place.
And so you start looking for blind comfort from other people, from men who don't quite understand. And you start investing in short-lived relationships, fully knowing from the start that they will not last long.
But this particular story is neither about short-lived relationships nor about insecurities. Not exclusively, at least.
It's about the pleasant and unexpected surprise of finding someone who actually stayed through. Someone who crushed the cliche of temporal relationships. It's about finding you, knowing a bit more about me, and loving each other through and through. It's a story that gets real cheesy and sappy, a story I'd love to tell, but they contain secrets far too insignificant yet dangerous to tell.
It's like every other law school story, I think. You come in quite unprepared, and when you linger long enough your doubts and insecurities start creeping in. From nowhere, because you didn't think you even had them in the first place.
And so you start looking for blind comfort from other people, from men who don't quite understand. And you start investing in short-lived relationships, fully knowing from the start that they will not last long.
But this particular story is neither about short-lived relationships nor about insecurities. Not exclusively, at least.
It's about the pleasant and unexpected surprise of finding someone who actually stayed through. Someone who crushed the cliche of temporal relationships. It's about finding you, knowing a bit more about me, and loving each other through and through. It's a story that gets real cheesy and sappy, a story I'd love to tell, but they contain secrets far too insignificant yet dangerous to tell.
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